


I Thought He Loved Me

by tully



Category: Turn (TV 2014)
Genre: (ps ben loved him and feels really bad about it), M/M, also by this point ben and wash have already est. their romantic relationship so, mentions to benedict arnold and his Betrayal, takes place after arnold basically betrays everyone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-09
Updated: 2015-06-09
Packaged: 2018-04-03 16:30:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4107547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tully/pseuds/tully
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"The general found him shrouded in the darkness surrounding the small campfire, on the outskirts of the camp. He sat with his knees drawn loosely to his chest and no coat, despite the evening chill. He did not look up as Washington approached..."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Thought He Loved Me

The general found him shrouded in the darkness surrounding the small campfire, on the outskirts of the camp. He sat with his knees drawn loosely to his chest and no coat, despite the evening chill. He did not look up as Washington approached and fixed him with sympathetic eyes.

There was a silence for a while. Washington was still, for all his years being alive, unsure of what exactly to do in these situations. He did not want to make anything worse, and wasn't confident he'd be able to make it any better. So for the first few moments, standing there was all he did.

After a few moments and a shuddering sigh, the words came. "...I thought he loved me."

Ah. He had thought this might be the reason. He replied after a small pause, his voice quiet and tentative. "He did love you."

"Then..." Ben sniffled and drew a sleeve across his nose. Washington's heart leapt a little; the child-like action was very endearing. "Then why did he betray us? Why did he throw us to the side, like... like shite?"

"He was damaged." A pause. "He didn't know of any other way to reconcile himself. He never has."

"You're full of it. Don't apologize for him." Ben lowered his head between his knees, shivering slightly.

"I'm doing exactly the opposite, Benjamin. I'm endeavoring to explain, objectively, his thoughts and intentions." He observed with a rush of concern the white clouds of breath emerging from Ben's huddled form. "His pride got in the way of his love for you."

"Sure. And shame on me for falling for the bastard, right."

Washington sighed quietly. "I understand, Benjamin. He's quite...magnetic. But he's corrupted in ways that he is not conscious of." Another pause. "No one would consciously leave you."

"Yeah, well." Another sniffle. Still he did not raise his head. "George, I... I'm so sorry for dwelling on the bastard. I thought I would be able to get over everything, but I'm not. I'm not as strong as you. I don't blame you if you hate me for it."

"Hush. Don't say such things. You have a sensitive heart; no one can shame you for that. Every bruise takes time to heal."

"I... I know. I just... don't feel good about myself. I feel like it's taking away from... from us. I feel like you grow more exasperated the longer it takes." He raised his face a little to observe the glowing embers. "I feel so weak, George."

George took a step closer. "Benjamin. You needn't feel weak for being human. It's a compromise we all must suffer. No one can blame you for it." He knelt slowly beside the boy, wishing he could be the support Ben needed by virtue of his presence. He tipped Ben's chin up with a gentle hand. "Do you really think your pain would make me love you any less?"

"I...don't know." He looked away, aflush with shame. 

"Ben, look at me. I don't think I've loved anyone as I love you. It would be entirely beyond me to dismiss your feelings, as you assume I do. You deserve better than that."

The major wiped his nose again; this time Washington drew a handkerchief from the depths of his cape and gently wiped the boy's face. Ben had closed his eyes, enjoying the gentle touch."You really mean that?"

"Of course, I mean that," replied Washington, neatly returning the soiled handkerchief to his pocket. "Hell befall me if I ever do otherwise."

With soft eyes he observed Ben a little longer, who avoided his gaze and examined the fire instead. He sighed once through his nose, almost a chuckle, and lowered himself completely beside the boy. Washington wrapped the cape around both of him, then his arms around Ben--who immediately shifted and pressed his newly tearful face against the older man's warm vest. 

It tried the general's good heart to hear the boy sobbing audibly, but he did nothing to change his position. In slow circles he rubbed Ben's back as he cried, pressing his lips now and again to the top of his head. The shared body heat kept the both of them warm despite the surrounding chill. 

The crying subsided after a while, but Ben remained, his face still buried in the general's chest. After a while, a muffled whisper emerged. "I love you. You know that, don't you?"

In response, Washington raised the boy's face a little and pressed a gentle, almost timid kiss to his warm mouth. Tearful Ben returned the kiss gratefully, his wet eyelashes dampening the other's cheeks, and raised a hand to cup the general's face. 

Washington's heart fluttered; how young this little spirit was, how sweet! His waxen hair was soft to the touch in the prolonged seconds of their embrace; Washington felt himself warmed to the bone for the first time all winter. Ben, meanwhile, could feel the pain ebbing away from his chest--Washington's lips were a salve, his presence a comfort. 

It must have been less than half a minute before they broke away, but both felt the better for it nonetheless. Washington gave him a soft smile. "I know."

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this kind of a while ago but thought I might as well post it anyway... ya sorry I love these 2


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